waxing nostalgic

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, 
for beauty is God's handwriting.

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

Confucius

(Photos 2006/2007, LaDigue, Haiti)

degaje

firearm or bottle opener?

both.

laboring

Update 3:45p -  Fanie delivered a healthy baby boy at 3:05pm.  Mom and baby are both doing okay. (6lbs 13ounces) Resting in postpartum room.


9am - Fanie is in early labor this morning.  We are praying Fanie safely delivers a healthy baby, will you pray with us today? 

Listen up Grandma and Grandpa

Becky wrote to say she'd be willing to do a pre-school/Kindergarten trial run with Phoebe and Lydia for a few weeks until baby Burton appears on the scene. Specifically she was offering to do Thursday because Thursday is a complicated day of juggling a lot of schedules.

We've learned the hard way that the two busiest days of the week when Troy and I are both gone a long time - can equal destruction in our home AND discord in our marriage.  For example, last Thursday the girls hand washed their clean clothes in the bathroom sink and experimented with baby powder and bug spray. Their experiment yielded many results, all being carefully charted and graphed by the mad scientists. Mainly it taught us that mixed together, those two items are not that fun to clean up.

It could be kindly stated that Geronne is fairly 'laid back' in her child-watching style and if Phoebe and Lydia are not fighting, she figures they are being good.

That's an uber nice idea; except it is not true. 

I called Troy yesterday to discuss the amazing offer that Becky had made. As I was telling him about it from the back of the car came the voice of Lydia emphatically stating, "Yeah, I'm not going to pre-school. I am staying with you."

Today we have ONE BRAND NEW STUDENT going to school for the first time EV-AH!  She is both willing and excited. (Video was made for G & G x2 last night.)

We also have one single-minded and stubborn four year old that is going to be deferring pre-school entry until such a time that it better suits her needs and desires.

Haitian Proverb

Lanne pase toujou pi bon.
Past years are always better.

I have been looking through 2006 and 2007 photos while dramatically lamenting the passage of time.  You can be thankful you're not here to see it.  


I did want you to see my very favorite photo of 2006 though. That is our oldest daughter hugging a lady from the village after they'd finished working together to get a wound to heal. 

haitian proverb

Ou we sa ou genyen, ou pa konn sa ou rete.

You know what you've got, but you don't know what's coming.

new ladies, new opportunities to love

If you are one of the people invested in our programs through prayer, I wanted to let you know that we updated the "prayers for pregos" tab at the top of the blog. Twenty new women were added. A few more will be added later this week. I also added a section with names and faces of the year-round staff members.

Obviously each of the ladies has a very detailed history; the prayer post only shares a small fraction of the story. The point of that post is to get each woman covered in prayer by name as her baby is growing and developing and her day to deliver draws near.

In the prenatal program we usually have 35 pregnant women.  As one woman delivers a spot opens up to take in another woman.  Our wait list is sometimes larger than the program.  We're working to serve more women with quality, respectful, loving prenatal care. Until the funds are all in place and the larger building can be constructed, we are limited by our space.

Ladies are chosen from the wait-list based mainly on risk factors.  We try to take young first time moms and older moms as first priority.  Statistically we know that a 16-year-old first-time mother and a 40+ year old 6th+ time mother both enter into their deliveries at higher risk of complication.

The decisions regarding who will get in are difficult to make.  Beth McHoul and Agathe Augustin make those decisions together each Friday.  Turning someone away is a heavy reality that we won't ever be able to fully avoid, even once we expand. The need for quality maternal health care in Port au Prince and all of Haiti is a huge.

Obviously, we strive to give each woman that enters the program excellent prenatal care and a safe, beautiful delivery.

Those of us on staff at Heartline all agree that our single greatest ability to "help" these women is simply to love and care about them as people.

We won't necessarily change their day to day lives. We cannot meet the vast majority of their material needs. We don't have answers to much of what they face. There are not systems to protect them from abuse. We cannot create permanent safety for them.

All that said, we DO have the ability to listen. We DO have the ability to hear about their lives. We DO have the ability to choose to be uncomfortable as we simply open our hearts to listening and trying to understand what they face; even if we're not in a position to fix anything.

Saint Augustine asked,  "What does love look like?"  His answer included, "Love has the eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sights and sorrows of men."

He didn't say love solves every want. He didn't say love fixed the misery or sorrow.

He said love saw it.
He said love heard it.

Henri Nouwen said: "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing ... not healing, not curing ... that is a friend who cares."

Love sits with hurting people.

We care deeply about prenatal care and each woman's pregnancy and delivery.

We care even more about love.

We want our program and staff to client ratio to always allow us to get to know each woman fairly well by the time she is ready to deliver.

We want each Thursday to be seen as an opportunity to invest time  in their lives, their stories, their pain and struggle.

The very best and the very hardest part of the program is making time to truly hear from them and build relationships.

As you look over those photos please add to your prayers that we will be able to get to know and love each woman in a way that reminds her of her intrinsic value and of her Heavenly Father's great love for her. 

bondye ki tout fos nou

Se Bondye ki tout pwoteksyon nou, se li menm ki tout fòs nou. 

Li toujou pare pou ban nou sekou lè nou anba tray. 

Som 46:1  

Psalm 46:1 

Troy recently asked why I chose this photo for my current facebook profile. 

I said, "You know why. That photo is a metaphor for life here."  


Troy replied, "I knew it."


Most of the time the work and day to day life feels a lot like a boat that is taking on water. As it floats along some distance is covered, but just as you start to feel good about the distance covered  ...  you look down to see that you're taking on water.  


Life and work and relationship building feels like a constant battle ... But only because IT IS a constant battle. 


There comes a point where it is important to recognize that our focus can either be on the constant water leak and the ongoing struggle and the recurring hardships or the troubles faced 

- OR  - 

the focus can be on the fact that we have a boat, we have a bucket to bail it out with, we have friends and co-laborers rowing with us and for us when we get sick or tired. Even more mind-blowing is to soak ourselves in the reality that while we were not promised an easy journey, we serve a good God that promises not to leave us to face the storms alone. 

"Se Li menm ki tout fos nou" (it is Him that gives us strength). 

no longer hosting P. falciparum

The Malaria in the areas of Tabarre,  Santo, and the greater NE quadrant of P-au-P was expertly managed by tropical disease specialists Jen Halverson and Tara Livesay.  


(No longer open for business, not taking new customers.)

One of us has extensive and specific medical school training and one of us has a certificate in the school of hard-knock-haiti-life.


It is debatable which education produced a more vast knowledge of malaria, but one thing is clear ... Only one of us has massive student loans to pay off.


All of this training prepares us to identify Malaria at fifty paces.  In our free time this weekend we're planning to write a report and analysis of the genome sequence of the human malaria parasite P. falciparum  - and once we're done with that we'll probably invent a vaccination just for fun. 

In the end our friends the Salvants, Geronne, Paige, Troy, Lydia, Jimmy and Becky all took a knee to the dreaded Plasmodium Falciparum parasite.  The experts of the house were left unscathed and available to help the weak. 

Thanks to the mad skillz of Dr. Jen and I (self appreciation alert) none of these "hosts" were too welcoming for very long. We caught most of the cases before the high fevers took hold. Lydia won the great fever contest of January 2012 with a 104.8 temperature about two hours after first showing symptoms.  

Scratch that.

Isaac found a faulty thermometer - for the win! 

Once all the Malaria was treated and conquered Phoebe decided she needed a little bit of attention.  Tuesday morning as I was about to leave for Women's Program I decided to check on her and make sure her "cold" hadn't caused a fever.  She was napping in my bed.  I went over to her and noticed flaring nostrils and a heaving chest.  


I don't ever want to be the garden-variety spazzy parent but something told me I should ask the good Doctor about what I saw.  Jen looked at her and confirmed we had a real problem on our hands.   The next 24 hours brought little sleep as we gave Phoebe breathing treatments, placed her on oxygen occasionally and steroids, and watched her O2 levels drop into the low eighties at times.  It seems that she has mostly kicked the virus that attacked her lungs at this point. We're very grateful.  We're also very done with drama. 

light reading for our favorite five year old, and yes, the treadmill doubles as a child's bed

Since Wednesday as my children have individually come to me with new ailments,  I look at them and say, "SERIOUSLY?!?"  This is the response of a truly loving and concerned mother.  

So far Isaac's "neck ache", Hope's "cannot sleep" and Noah's "warm and sweaty back" have not required rushing them down to Jennifer. As it turns out, wrestling causes "warm and sweaty back" and upon googling that ailment we learned that no medical intervention is required. 


After women's program today we're taking a few of these newly healthy children to get their teeth cleaned ... after that we're hoping and praying for a drama and illness-free weekend.


In other news:

• Faphane (15 years old) moved into the Harbor House yesterday. Her baby is due in April. A full HH update is coming soon.
• ALL 12 January babies are doing well. All the Mamas were at Early Childhood Development class on Tuesday. What a blessing and answer to prayer to see everyone doing okay. Your prayers matter to these ladies! 
• Marvena took her 7th child home yesterday afternoon after spending a night in the postpartum "wing".  (It is two beds in a newly remodeled room but when you call it a wing it sounds pretty darn impressive, does it not?) 
• There are 16 women not pictured in the 'Prayers for Pregos' post. We got photos yesterday and the new ladies will be added soon if you're willing to pray for them please check that tab at the top of the blog.
• A friend of Haiti was shot last Thursday (while at a bank in PAP) and passed away yesterday. Please pray for the friends and family of "Big Dave" as they mourn the loss of a great and loving man. Pray that the increased incidents of armed robbery will end and that the perpetrators will be stopped in their tracks and transformed. 

A girl for Marvena

Marvena gave birth to a baby girl just before 1pm today.  Today was the 8th time in her life she'd given birth.

Marvena is 40 years old and lost her first child when she was very young. Her second child was born to her when she was 18. As of this afternoon she has seven living children ranging in age from 21 (born in March 1990) down to her newborn daughter.

As a mom of seven that is less than one year older than me, I couldn't help but notice that we both had  babies within a month or two of one another on three different occasions.  We both have almost 22 year olds, we both have 17 year olds, we both have almost 8 year olds.

Marvena delivered without any drama today. She kind of waved her hand occasionally when the pain was intense, but she didn't bother much with screaming or even raising her voice.  There is no need for noise when you're such an old pro.

I thought about all of the things we have in common in contrast to all of the things we don't.

I cannot easily comprehend what it is like for her raising seven children with limited access to things that I consider so basic. Whether she's trying to provide food and shelter, or find a Doctor for a sick child, I know her ability to do those things is immeasurably more challenging than what I can imagine from my place of privilege and material blessing.

I'm praying God provides food, water, shelter, healthcare, and a solid circle of love and support for Marvena as she returns to her humble home to care for her family.

Two More posts you should read today:
By Beth McHoul
By Barry and Rebecca McDonald

tribulation & joy

Written by Troy-

I want to write in grand, sweeping, graceful terms that are beautiful and artistic. I want to do justice to the stories and the strength of the people we are blessed to live and work with every day. Instead I get frozen and usually can not find words to accurately depict the situations we find ourselves in. That is why I do not write here very often.

The last time I wrote I believe it was the story of a nineteen year old girl suffering with AIDS and seeking testing/treatment for tuberculosis; that was many months ago.

It has been a long and difficult six months for that young woman. The initial test results were negative for TB. She was admitted into a program to receive HIV meds, requiring monthly visits. These visits became increasingly difficult as her body weakened and each trip was painful and taxing. She did not always make it to those appointments, sometimes she was just not willing to face the challenge of fighting for space on public transportation and being ridiculed by fellow passengers. Her condition has deteriorated greatly. Further testing was done with another program in another hospital and it was determined that she does indeed have tuberculosis.

Fortunately...and it is very hard and disturbing to say that this is fortunate...she was sick enough to be admitted into the inpatient TB ward, which is a large dome tent in a gravel yard. This is the best option available. I am thankful for it, and so is she. Prior to the cot she is currently sleeping on, she was laying on a foam pad on the floor of a dark cement block room. It was a cramped interior room of a crumbling building surrounded by crumbing buildings and a few family members that had no idea how to take care of her and little means to do so even if they did.

Her tiny frame is too weak to stand and walk at this point. Coughing racks her body. The few family members and visitors she received when she was first admitted have dwindled and rarely come now. She has slept alone the last two nights.

Here is where the words really start to fail again...trying to find a way to describe the emotions involved in visiting her and sitting next to her bed...seeing her smile...hearing her say "with Jesus I will be well"...wondering if that means here on earth with her faith in Jesus or literally when she sees Him - which seems like it may be any day now. She says her nightly routine is to read some hymns that she is too weak to sing, then read 'her Pslams'...to 'keep them in her head' for when she falls asleep. I wonder if she does that in case she doesn't wake up. I wonder why I don't do that as well. I wonder what 'her' Psalms are and remind myself to find out and write down the ones that bring her hope in the midst of such suffering. I think about how blessed I am to see such faith and hope and know that surely she will dance in heaven and be fully alive again...and I struggle to decide if living here much longer is the right thing to pray for on her behalf. I want her to heal and be restored, I just don't know if it wouldn't be better to go and do that at home in heaven.

The staff of the hospital say that she can stay as long as needed to heal - this is an unbelievable blessing and rarity in the health care 'system' here. 

Her appetite is coming back slowly, and now she calls almost daily with specific orders for the food she would like that day. I confess to being irritated by her picky requests...and then instantly more irritated and disgusted with myself for thinking that way as I sit in a comfortable house or lay in a real bed or drive in a car with money in my pocket that can ease her suffering at least a little bit. It is an uncomfortable place to be. Not in a million years will it compare to the discomfort she is feeling and handling with such grace. I am a jerk. God is using this girl to get through to me. I feel like a really big jerk for needing a lesson taught in this way.

Twice now thieves have taken money from her bag while she slept. The money was left there for her to buy juice and other food. I am outraged and incredulous;  she tells me with a chuckle "I don't think God will answer the prayers of someone who steals from the sick like that." I try to laugh along with her.

Please pray for K, for those attending to her, that we find someone to stay with her at night, and for all of our hearts to be changed by the joy she has in her tribulation.

James 1:2-8 The Message   

^2-4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

 ^5-8If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

Linking You

I've read (and can relate to) some insightful and super funny things that have been written recently.  

Links below ... 

1.
Sarah - On the topic of body image and our daughters:
Here are the lies, my dears:
You are only as good as you look.
You are only lovable if you have a rock hard body.
You can conquer your feelings of inadequacy by being skinny.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
Everyone judges you by how you look and talks about you behind your back.
Beautiful is defined by your culture (and so it is beautiful to be frightfully skinny with bolted-on boobs and an identi-kit face).
You are not worthy of love if you are not beautiful.
Full post by Sarah can be found here.

[I hate that as a very very young single mother to two daughters I failed them and myself with a poor self-image in those years.]

2.

Jen - On the topic of fear/parenting:
She said something like this, “I don’t believe in making choices based on fear. Ever. If God isn’t the author of fear, then when I listen to my fears I know I’m not listening to the voice of God.”
It was simple. Grace-filled. Not harsh or corrective or instructive. Just right.
I don’t believe in making choices based on fear. Ever.
She can’t know how many times I’ve played that sentence in my head this past year. How I’ve grasped at that idea as it slips in and out of my hands, wanting to make it my personal philosophy as well but struggling to change a lifetime habit of doing the opposite.
I don’t believe in making choices based on fear. Ever.
My confession is this: I do listen to fear. I think I always have. I’m pretty sure sometimes I give it an equal voice with the Holy Spirit who should have the loudest voice in my spirit – leading me in the way I should go. Now I don’t call it fear. I’m way too smart for that. I call it “discernment” or “wisdom” or I say I have a “check.” I can ‘church it up’ in the most expert ways. But I know - in my heart - that it's fear.

Full post by Jen can be found here. 

3.
Keight (who is hilarious and self-depreciating) - On running a Half-Marathon:
i headed way, way way, back in the throng of people to my corral. i spotted my pace team leader hold his sign. i had looked him up online a few days prior by putting in my desired finish time (under 3 hours) and was pleased to find a group for we the turtles.

his bio listed him at 63 (whatEVER!!!) and when asked why someone should run in his pace group, his answer was, "to experience the fun of racewalking!"

what in the HAY-UHL!?!?!? my pace leader is a geriatric walker!!! and i am going the same speed at my fastest run. i dropped a few pounds in ego weight at that point which i figured would make me more aerodynamic.

Full post by Keight can be found here.

[Keight makes me snort laugh with much of what she writes.]

4.

Kristen - On being naturally nocturnal while trying to be a mom:

I’ve spent the last year doing this, with varying levels of shame and frustration at my lack of self-control about going to bed.  Gee, what was I just telling my students the other night about the definition of addiction?  ENGAGING IN REPETITIVE BEHAVIOR DESPITE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES.  That would be me . . . every night. Hi, my name is Kristen and I’m addicted to staying up late.

Full post by Kristen can be found here.

[I have this problem. Poor planning for bedtime is killer when the phone rings at 4am.]

5.
Megan - On her C-section birth:

Thank you, pink scar, for saving me from myself, from smug and flippant responses that fake smile at the hard-fought choice of others. Thank you for reminding me every single day that every single one has a story, and so often those stories are tear-stained, regret-filled, fallen-short. If you merely scratch the surface, it's never as simple as it seems. Thank you for bearing witness to time and healing and happy endings.Most of all, thank you for reminding me that advocacy without humility is not advocacy; it is only emotional blackmail and it strangles the life out of a cause.

Full post by Megan can be found here.
[This post is so interesting to me for many reasons. Midwives by nature are all about natural birth. Being new to the field I am developing opinions based on what I am learning and I'm also affected by my own experiences. I am all for less medical intervention and while I am far from an earthy "all natural" type person I do believe in advocating for women to be given choices over the birth of their child and not be forced to have epidurals or other intervention. I think it is great for every woman to choose what she is comfortable with, recognizing that we're all coming at it from a different angle and with different fears and history. I think as a general rule that American culture pushes for quick births and controlled planning of a birth - therefore the c-section rate is too high. I don't like when  people paint c-sections as failure. Sometimes, as Megan points out, they are a life-saving intervention. Having given birth four times (two of the four were c-sections) in four VERY different circumstances - I do get agitated with people that see the whole thing as a totally black and white issue. My experience says there is much gray area. The best quote in the entire post: "Most of all, thank you for reminding me that advocacy without humility is not advocacy; it is only emotional blackmail and it strangles the life out of a cause." So very true, no matter what we're advocating for ... when we do it without humility it is pretty icky.]

6.

Bunmi Laditan - "How to Breastfeed Appropriately: A Stern Guide:
In conclusion, breastfeeding is for lazy, exhibitionist, thrill-seeking mothers who have nothing better to do than to make the rest of us shrivel in disgust. Your behavior is ruining our country so if you can’t sufficiently hide it to the point that we have no idea it’s even happening, don’t do it. A grandmother somewhere said that she nursed all eight of her babies without anyone knowing and if someone did something, it means you should to. Because if there’s one thing we all know, people did things better and were far more moral in the past.
Offending people is a crime and very wrong.
This land is your land. This land is my land. From California to the New York island. From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters, this land was made for you and me. And as partial owner, you’re freaking me out.
Full sarcastic post wherein Bunmi makes her point can be found here.
[I love that in Haiti boobs are not a big deal. I love that women nurse their kids whenever and wherever they want without ever feeling the slightest bit self-conscious. (These particular) Americans are ridiculous to make breastfeeding an issue while not taking issue with the pornographic advertising on TV and signs hanging in the mall and along the freeway. How can you not be troubled by the way the media and advertising objectifies women yet have a problem (to the point of being offended) with a Mom nursing her baby in public? That is beyond jacked up.]

babies setting records

Stephanie, Beatrice, and Alline (in that order) gave birth to sons on Friday.  Their coordinated efforts to deliver on the same day made for an exciting time.  Add in Yveline's little girl born six minutes after she arrived early in the morning on Thursday and we set the following Heartline Maternity Center records:

• 4 births in 36 hours  (36 hours and five minutes if you want to get technical)
• 3 births in 12 hours
• 2 births in one hour (Beatrice at 3:30p and Alline at 4:30p)
• So in the first 27 days of 2012 there were 12 babies born at Heartline (8 boys and 4 girls) - We don't have good records from the days following the earthquake but we think 12 births in 27 days is also a new record
• Thanks for all that prayed for these moms and the team delivering these babies - and most of all - Mesi Jezi ! 

up to speed ...

Things are nutty here.
To review:

• Yveline delivered a boy at 4:25 am (Thursday) 

• Thursday was regular prenatal day with lots of heavy situations and prayer needs. See this post.

• Stephanie delivered a 7lb boy at 4:30 am (this morning, Friday)

• Alline is here in active labor.  This is her second child. Her water broke last night. She's 4cm right now and doing okay with labor. 

• First time mom, Beatrice, is in very early labor and arrived here at 6am. She is the lady we tested and found had Malaria at her prenatal visit Thursday/yesterday.

We are a tired out crew here, we have the regular Friday clinic today too. Please be praying for all four moms above as well as the Heartline delivery team.

Alline in labor too ...

Stephanie

Laboring now .... please pray for Stephanie
and tonight's team delivering her (Beth, Jen Tara)

Briefly, sans great detail, some other facts and prayer needs tonight:

• one of the pregnant ladies today had bruises all over her stomach from being beaten 
• one of the pregnant women is 16 and sleeps on the ground - we hope/think she will move to the Harbor House at least for a time
• one of the ladies is carrying twins - they both appear to be boys :)
• one of the ladies tested positive for Malaria today and is due in two weeks
• two new women joined the program today - last week Thursday five new ladies joined

On the home front ...

• there is malaria at our house, three down and being treated now  - fevers and headaches and tears and sore bodies be gone!

 <heavy sigh>

These (and other) situations are a bit weighty right now to say the least.  We always always always  (I mean ALWAYS) appreciate and feel the power of people standing (sitting kneeling) together in prayer over these things. 

Lord, Your justice here and now ... to the least of these. 

Please.  

Amen.

speedy delivery

3:56am - Yveline called us to say she was having horrible pain

4:00am - Once I was coherent I called Yveline back to confirm she was on her way in

4:19am -Yveline arrived at Maternity Center

4:25am - baby girl born - Melissa caught

5:00 am - baby nursing, all is well!

Yveline has two sons already, this is her first girl and as she said this morning "her last child".

Ready for a full Thursday of prenatal visits!

Haitian Proverb

~ou ka di konbyen ou genyen  men ou pa ka di konbyen ou rete~ 

~you can say how old you are, but you can't say how long you will live~

friendships born of creamy Jalapeño & song

Beautiful babes X3 - Beth, Liz, & Fifi's daughter now named Elizabeth

Robbie and Troy and their matching outfits

Three weeks after the EQ we arrived in central Texas totally frazzled, more than half crazy, and quite a bit thinner to try to figure out how to :

1. Process the tragedy
2. Reconcile our faith to said tragedy
3. Reconnect with kids that had been traumatized and without us for 3 weeks
4. 'Enjoy' a break while wanting so badly to not take one

A few days later a note came from some guy named Robbie.  He said he wanted to treat us to dinner at Chuy's  (a peculiar name that we'd never heard of) and that he hoped we'd enjoy a meal on him.  He said his wife told him he needed to make contact with us. I remember saying to Troy, "Does he mean he is coming to take us to dinner or that he is buying when we go to dinner?"

We felt like insane aliens on a new planet and I wasn't signing up to go talk about Haiti with anyone quite that soon. Within a day or two we figured out that Robbie was giving us a gift card to Chuy's and we were free to go stare at each other glassy-eyed over Tex-Mex and not interact with this Robbie person.

A new friendship was born.  Any person that knew enough not to expect us to be coherent and/or social -  but was still willing to fund and introduce us to one of the. greatest. substances. on. earth. (Chuy's Creamy Jalapeño sauce) - had to be an inherently good person. 


Later on when we were less freak-showish we actually got to meet and Robbie and Liz and other Seays and attend their church. We figured out that Robbie and his band produced a lot of moving music that stirred us and spoke to us in places of deep pain.  

His records became the soundtrack of our healing in Waco, TX in  2010.    

(Well - except for the time that it became the sound track of a badly sprained ankle and a string of curse words- but that's another story. Suffice it to say that running as fast as you can with your eyes closed while listening to the RobbieSeayBand isn't advised. Just ask Troy. ) 
Songs like these:

 


The music above is from older albums, the lyrics often have a prayerful tone. In our opinion the trademark raspy voice cannot be duplicated. We think we know this because Noah tries and tries to sound like that - to no avail.

The Robbie Seay Band just released a new album called - "Rich & Poor" - you can check it out here.

It is fun to have the Seays here for a couple of days. They are off visiting a Compassion project and Cazale today. You'll recall that our song of the New Year -  'Slow me down'  - is sung by Robbie. He isn't yet aware of this, but he will be required to sing the entire family to sleep with the 2012 theme song on his last night here ... unless of course he prefers to walk to the airport.

Annual Recognition of Our Fave Dokte

Jen grumbles when we do this every January.   Happy Jen Halverson Day!  This year we are celebrating on January 24th.  She is out in Cazale today and won't be able to grumble at us to our faces.

We ignore her relative discomfort in order to thank God each January and remember (because remembering what God did helps us remember He is with us now too) the way that God used Jen to spare Lydia's life in January of 2008.

 THIS post is from the first annual Jen Halverson Day celebration, it has links to the story and details about how God provided in a very dangerous and scary situation.

There is a Haitian proverb that says:

"Yon bon zanmi pi bon pase fre"  - A good friend is better than a brother.

Se vre.

Our slightly amended Haitian proverb says "Yon bon zanmi ki fini med lekòl epi trè entelijan se pi bon pase yon frè".  

If there is a proverb that says "Friends that spent an eternity in med-school are the best kind of friends"  - well, that one applies here as well.

Thank you Jen for your friendship and life-saving skills. More than that, thank you for being willing and available to be used by God to help many, many people in Haiti.

with all our love, gratitude, and admiration,

t&t&lydia

no plan - still subject to change

Lately I've been writing a lot of emails that include this sentence:  "We're not sure if we can do that. Can we wait and see once the date is MUCH closer?"  


Day to day life here is too unpredictable to confidently make plans more than a day or two in advance. Even then, the plan you go to bed with for the coming day is rarely the way the coming day ends up looking. 

Back in the day I used to spend much more time doing longer-range planning and making commitments into the distant future.


We've learned slowly during our time here that long range planning and scheming isn't a healthy thing for us. (Read: Haiti beat us over the head and forced that teaching against our will.)


We have found we're most effective and most content when we live in today and think a little bit about tomorrow and even less about next week.  We've almost completely stopped worrying about our long range plans.  Other than knowing that if we can swing it we hope to help Paige settle into college and be nearby and available to her for a few months, we have zero in the way of "long range" plans.


The earthquake taught us a lot.  First of all, it taught us what is a really horrible situation and what is not.  It gave us a brand new perspective on many things. It taught us that we truly don't know jack about tomorrow  - so getting all puffed up about our big plans might be a bit of folly.


Things can change fast, and they do.  I don't like that truth, but it didn't call and ask my permission to be so.


We're not here to say "do it this way, our way is better" - not at all. We barely know what we're doing. We are experts of exactly nothing.  

It just has us thinking.... Our home culture teaches us to be incredibly schedule and time and future-plan aware. If you walk into an interview without your five year plan memorized and ready to recite passionately you'll likely walk out without a job offer. I mean everybody has a five year plan, right?


There probably isn't anything wrong with that, I only think that sometimes it gives a false sense of control and it makes it harder to fully be in the here and now. 

(Or we have major personality flaws and only we experience a false sense of control. That also seems quite probable.)


Ultimately none of us know what could shake (quite literally) our lives tomorrow completely changing our course. We don't know if we're going to be waking up and sucking air tomorrow.

I'm finding - The less attached to my plans I am, the more flexible and accepting I can be of whatever good or bad comes my way. There is some wacked-out paradox wherein the more I live in this moment, the  more I live in this day, the more I trust God with the next.

When asked how long we plan to be in Haiti, we shrug and throw our hands in the air. We don't claim to know. Some folks find that a flaky and odd response.
Living mostly uncertain of our plans for the future allows us to live in this moment fully.  It works for us.  If we don't know what tomorrow holds, how can we possibly know about 2014?  

We are certain of the one thing that matters.  God walks with us each step of the way.

I get the sense that careful planning is more a part of culture than anything else. Do you feel that excessive long range planning creates a problem with control in your life or is that only something fools (like us) struggle with? 

Matthew 6:34

New King James Version (NKJV)

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Marie Geronne

We feel fiercely protective of this woman.

She is our friend and one of the most trusted people in our lives.

Too old to be my daughter,  too young to be motherly ...  Our relationship is totally unconventional and due to the cultures we're trying to bridge to understand one another, it is even awkward at times  -  but it is a deeply treasured relationship.

We take care of each other. We work together to make things click at our house. She does so much for the Livesay family  - we'd flounder without her steady and reliable presence in our lives.

Today I asked her what the heck she was doing working when I knew darn well she felt like a pile of dump.  She burst into tears.  I quickly texted the good Doctor (Jen) to ask her to bring the stuff to test Geronne for Malaria.  We drew her blood at the kitchen table  - like you do - and upon seeing a strong positive result Jen and I ordered her to lie down and rest and take medicine and drink. We're forcing liquids on her now and forbidding her to help with anything.

We're praying Geronne feels well again soon.  Right now she is very miserable and sad.