things a mid-husband in haiti says ...

"Wow. Long labor. Is she a G1?"

"What is the dilation situation?"

"Think you'll have to transport?"

"Want me to take you to do the post-partum check?"

"Think you'll sleep at home tonight?"

"Go to bed. PLEASE, go to bed. You are crazy-irrational-tired."

"Are the contractions getting "cho" (hot) yet?"

"Want to watch Call the Midwife tonight?" & "Do you know when Season 2 is available?"


Troy has always loved pregnant ladies. 
Not in a creepy way, just in a sweet and fascinated-by-their-amazing-feats-of-bravery sort of way.  

After the earthquake he was known to bring pregnant ladies to Beth to plead their case. We had to put a stop to that. It is great that he is "for us" in this work because sometimes this work can mean he is required to single-parent for hours and days on end. I'm grateful to have his backing because so often it feels like too much to figure out with a big family. His steady voice assuring me that he has no problem with being there for the kids and no problem with my unpredictable schedule (and behavior) really helps. 

(Thank you, Troy. You are the best midhusband ever ever ever.)

Baby Book Entry 7: June 2013 Edition

with cousin, Whitney - early June

{By way of explanation, let it be quickly said, I have no idea what any of these children's first words were or when most of them started walking, or many of the milestones of moderate importance. The first born is 23 and her baby book is filled in to about the 15 month mark.  Nobody else ever had such a thing. We take billions of photographs and they stay in the electronic form forever and ever amen. I love the idea of doing a book of photos each year. It is an idea. Just an idea. So far.  I do these posts because I think when the kids are grown they will like reading about themselves. That, or they'll hate me for talking about them in a public place. 50/50 odds, I roll the dice.}


June 2013

Dear beats of our hearts, and fruits of our loins,

This letter and update is long overdue. These words must sounds so familiar to you. We're late, we're running behind, we're sorry, plans changed, not this time, maybe next time ... these are common phraseology in your little world.  This is the {Haiti} hand you were dealt. It will make you incredibly flexible and adventurous adults or it will make you bitter and resentful. I see you choosing the former. The last time I wrote about you,  (you know, thrice annually) was August 2012.  Look at me!! Not yet a year later, and here I am again. That is exactly like three times a year.  Only minus two.

The quick general overview about this time of your lives...
You finished school in early May. You are now doing summer school for seven weeks. You had a blast learning under Jimmy and Becky again for a second year. (Successfully completed 12th, 5th, 4th, 3rd, Kindergarten and Pre-K, and all move forward in the fall.) You are all freaking out excited that we will be taking all of you in chairs in the sky to visit America in late July. You are in various places in grieving the impending departure of Paige. We will find our new way, our new places without her leadership, I know we will. Things are generally harmonious, although Phoebe and Lydia continue to be wild cards. Don't bet real money on calm if they are involved. (In all other circumstances, gamble to win.)

I will start with Isaac (11.5 yrs old) this time.
Son, what in the world has gone on with you since last summer? Your voice is cracking. You wear deodorant (and when you don't, oh lawd!) and you put on Axe body spray like a boss. You love words. Words. More words.  I don't know anyone that loves words the way you do. You're doing fractions. This means you do math that I cannot do.You finished 5th grade, maybe even "vehemently" finished, you'd say.  You owned it.  Today you got out of the Heartline van, after riding home with many strangers from summer school, and you said, "Well it was great meeting everybody - have a great flight back to America!" I heard you from inside the house in my safe little introvert hiding space.  I smiled. Dad said, "The diplomat is on the job."  You love people. I hope that you always do. I love people too. Just less of them. You put the extro in extrovert. Or something. I would describe you as cautious, but I see you taking risks lately. I am always proud of you, but especially now that I see you doing things that are hard for you and trusting yourself and God with some new things.

And Hope (11.5) ...
I don't think it is kosher to discuss puberty on line. Certainly not. There are rules on the Internet.  I see you trying so hard to walk the tightrope between little girl and young lady. It is not easy but you're doing it your way and we have all got your back. Well, I mean the all of us that does not include Noah.  It is okay though, keep giving him the side eye when he bugs you to explain why you seem crabby. He will catch on eventually. You love getting away from us and reading your book. You love getting away from us to do a craft or draw or watch a DVD. You love getting away for your alone time.  We honor your need for alone time and we advise you not to have seven children or you can forget about it. The 4th grade proved to be no biggee. You crushed it. You have been doing well with piano and taking lessons from Melissa. You've been singing some. (This is one from six months ago.) We kept our tradition and produced a kick-bunz version of "So This is Christmas", thanks mainly to you, our only truly willing singer. Sometimes I worry that Isaac has Noah and Phoebe has Lydia and maybe you not having a side-kick is an issue but I think you like it this way because you are kind of the extra mother to them all. It is not uncommon for us to realize you've been listening in on a lot of adult conversation, you like to find ways to sit with grown-ups and chat. You are comfortable in your own skin, even in this time of transition. Your poise and discernment are evident.

Lydia our big 5 and half year old,
You read. Words. Sentences. Books. Once, around February or March, I sat with you for 45 minutes while you sounded out six words and I thought to myself, "That is it. We found our illiterate kid. Every family has one."  But no.  You are sticking it to the man mom, proving me wrong. Once we figured out that your brain doesn't like food dye, and sugar is better in small quantities, we began to see a new person emerge. People that came to visit in May said, "This is a new Lydia."  We liked the old Lydia, but more in the 'afraid to not like you, sleep with your eyes open' way. This new no food dye Lydia is funny, articulate, animated, spunky, smart, loving, and passionate. Lately when the sugar is pumping and you're feeling a little bit edgy you give us the sign by putting your hands in the air by your ears in bear claw formation and moving them rapidly while making an open mouth, scrunched nose, honey-badger face. No words are necessary, we know this means you are trying to keep it all joyful but the possibility exists that things could go south without warning.

Phoebe six point five years old -
I don't know exactly when you found your voice in this big family, but you did.  We hear you. Sometimes from miles away, if you are angry or afraid. One spider, one scratch on your leg, watch.out.eardrums. A flare for drama, that's it. You are losing teeth right and left, which is good because there are way too many in your mouth. You are making huge progress with swimming. It was fun to watch you decide WHEN you'd let go of the ladder.  Nobody was going to guilt, shame, or trick you into it before you were ready which I think is a skill that will help you when you are a teenager. I love that you ignored the peer and sibling pressure and did it in your own time. You love coloring, playing house, and dolls. You are reading like a champ. Your giggle is infectious. You are the boss of prayer time, always moving things along if there is a lull. Tonight you prayed a very common prayer for you that began "Dear God, I hope you had a great day and that you don't have bad dreams."  Then, you informed each of us when it was our turn to pray.

Noah - our nine year old comedian,
It is your pleasure to make us laugh. You'll do crazy things for a laugh. All you ask is that the audience responds.  You recently said, "I'm gonna buy a car-house. You know, like a van, that you live in." After that, when Grandpa was here for Paige's grad party he worked with you on a Matt Foley (Chris Farley SNL) impersonation.  You and Granddad found your commonality, being border-line obnoxious while entertaining others. Acting and physical comedy aside, you have a serious and compassionate side. You are quite affectionate and tender too. I have seen you step into a big brother role in a way that I had not previously noted. You used to be content to be a little brother but I see you protecting your little sisters and guiding them. One night you helped Phoebe make an apology she needed to make, you led her down the stairs and gave her prompts.  You look up to Isaac, and were a little lost without him when he had to leave for a few days in May. You swim faster than most fish, we need to start the Port au Prince Aquatics club soon.

Paige (emancipated)-
Girl, I cannot say everything I need to say here in a public space. Voting is not as exciting as everyone makes it out to be. Just know that. This is a hard time, yes? I see you. I am with you. I love you. You are going to kick the ever-livin-heck out whatever you do. Congratulations on a job well done here in Haiti. In life. In love.  Fly baby, fly.

Britt & Chris -
I am officially graduating you out of Baby Book posts. I think your graduate degrees and four years of marriage earn you the right not to read about yourselves on yer Ma's dumb blog. When you have your baby we can start a grand-parental virtual baby book!!! We can, right? We are excited to see where your educational goals take you next! We are all so anxious to be on your turf  this fall.

late May 2013, all together!

~              ~               ~

Because you kids spend a lot of time with your teachers, they know you very well. I am including their descriptions of you here, too. Miss Becky wrote this to Miss Chelsea to prepare her for summer-school.

When I read this, I think to myself, oh my goodness, we are so so so very blessed to get to be your parents. It is like we won the lottery without even entering the gas station and buying a ticket; which is just to say that we are luckier than lucky.

Isaac is an extreme optimist,  who is full of joy, kindness and thankfulness. Isaac every single day thanks us for teaching that day. Usually several times at the end of the day. He is a good writer with quite the knack and love for vocabulary. He also loves Pokemon and chickens. He struggles with math, and with recognizing nuances or abstract concepts – He is very literal. He also has a hard time staying focused and on task. His brain works very randomly. Everything is different, every time. But he is always full of curiosity and questions, trying to make connections. He is pretty equally a visual and audio learner.

Hope is a beautiful, confident young girl quickly turning into a young woman more and more each day. She is always willing to learn and try and does what is asked of her. She loves and is very talented at art. She likes to sit and work at detailed things like puzzles and intricate crafts, that they boys have no patience for. She also is a great memorizer and has a beautiful voice. Her best subjects are Writing and Memory work. She struggles with math and Logic and keeping her things cleaned up. She learns visually and through music. Even though Isaac is older, Hope is your “momma” figure and likes to be the boss.

Noah is all boy. He likes to be moving all the time and is certainly a kinesthetic learner. He is very self-confident (sometimes overly so) and is a great communicator and relater. His best subjects are math and reading comprehension. He struggles some with spelling and grammar. His self confidence can quickly turn to self condemnation due to a perfectionist side in him. He also can be very lazy – he is fully capable of doing any work, but will at times whine and act like he can’t do it. He loves reading and talking and telling really detailed stories, and of course he loves to win. His brain works very logically.

Phoebe is an introvert who has come out of her shell this year. In a large group she may fade into the background but in a smaller setting she can be quite loud and crazy and loves one on one attention. She is a very good reader (and loves to read) and memorizer.  She is often overly dramatic. She is a hard and focused worker, but will give up and have a bad attitude if she thinks something is too difficult. She always likes having her own personal fan. She and Lydia are mostly best buds, but are also very competitive with each other.

Lydia is definitely the youngest child. She is full of spirit and a great combination of both tough and sweet. She is good at math and is a visual learner with photographic memory. She loves to talk! (You will find that she and Noah have this and many other things in common.) She works very well under very clear and firm boundaries and structure. She has to know that you are the boss. If she knows that, she won’t test you. If she thinks she might be the boss, then you better watch out. She loves words of affirmation and hugs.

Contradiction: Part Deux

Here we all are...

Witnessing despair and delight 

Tragedy and triumph

Here we all are...

Living an incongruent and uncomfortable 

Beautiful and horrible contradictory life

Sorrowful yet rejoicing 

I wrote those words a month ago while thinking about a young woman named 'Miker'.  She is cognitively delayed, presenting in maturity very similar to that of a six or seven year old.  She is a mother now, thanks to the tragic and mind-numbing unfairness of this world. She didn't decide to have a baby.  It was decided for her. 

We have come to understand that Mikerlange's mother, the hardest working person you could ever hope to meet, thinks that she can be the agent to protect, preserve, and propel the life of this new baby into the future.  Two weeks ago the baby got sick, was hospitalized, released, and is now slowly gaining weight again. Sweet Miker cannot respond to most questions she is asked, needs continual monitoring and direction, and sometimes says "My baby is ugly".  How grievous to know these word have most certainly been spoken over her in the past; she repeats them with ease, as if she were a parrot.  When Grandma was told about adoption and the possibility of it, she adamantly said, "No. Not interested."  And that is Grandma's right.  We believe this. Please pray for Grandma, Miker, and baby RoseLove. 

Sorrowful yet rejoicing.

I have written about Joanne in the past.  Our hearts are enmeshed. She is our sister.  I look at her; I see my Phoebe. Joanne was the first born to their mother.  Phoebe was the last born. Joanne is strong. Stoic. Reserved. Shy.  This year has not been kind to her. She has faced personal and difficult health issues. She has persevered.  Her bravery inspires us. Reassures us too.

Today she came to share a difficult story. Her husband went to work. He came home. He needed to go do an errand. He bathed, got dressed and left to go to Croix de Boquets, a nearby town.  He never returned.  That was June third.  Joanne checked the morgues. She looked around at the faces in the beds at the General Hospital. "Do you think he is dead or alive?", we asked.  "I think he is dead." Joanne answered.  When she first shared the news of her pregnancy with me she said, "I am married now. We moved out of Cite Soley. This man is gentle with me. He wants this baby. This is the chance for me to start over."  Pray for Joanne. 

Sorrowful yet rejoicing. 

Photos: 

1-Miker, her mother, & daughter

2-Joanne and Tara on May 23rd, 2013 

3-Sitting together on a prenatal day earlier this year

Counseling is for everyone...Yes, even you!

If there is one thing I suck at, and there is one thing, plus a bazillion things; it is just being in this present moment.

I like to believe that 7 years in Haiti has served to improve my ability to 'be here now'.  At the same time, I think it could be another 7X7 years before I feel that I've conquered this skill and made it my own.

I like that the culture I live in doesn't worry very much about tomorrow and the next day. I want to fully assimilate, at least in that one way.

All of that is simply to say, I don't want to worry about things six weeks from now.  I want to live in this moment and not plan ahead. There is so much to think & pray about and do right here in this moment of this day. I don't want to worry about money or renters or registering for classes or anything. It is not working out that well for me though. It seems looking ahead is a prerequisite for earning a 'responsible grown-up lady person' badge for my hip America vest.

So, by force of my birth culture I am sharing this future information with my fellow-expat community in Haiti. After I share it I don't want to think about late July until late July gets here.  Deal?

During the beginning of the time we are away, we have a counselor friend that will be staying at our house.  Let me introduce you to Tamara and share what she is offering in the first part of August. 

Let me begin by saying, I don't understand the generation that thinks getting counseling means you are weak or crazy or spiritually inferior. Pa vre!  (not true) Troy and I and a few of our kids have gone down the counseling road and we are unashamed to say that 1. We needed (read: desperately!) counseling at various times in our lives (and) 2. Counseling helped us a lot during those times (and) 3. We plan to see a counselor again this fall during our break from Haiti. Pride and shame over needing help is just a big stupid lie. Don't buy that ridiculous load of crap, please. I beg of you.

See this site first:

www.zoeroots.com 

Tamara is willing to serve via Skype as well, but this is a special opportunity for Haiti-based expats to have some face to face counseling time.  Tamara has 20 years inner city and international experience, an undergrad in theology and organizational management, and a masters in counseling psychology.

Tamara offers holistic bio/psycho/social counseling with an emphasis on spiritual direction and transformation. Familiar with the demands, losses and wear of ministry, Tamara's heart is for her clients to emerge with practical tools, strength of purpose and shame replaced with grace. There is no shame in being in need. Christ willingly shared his need of water, and even a cup to hold the water, with the woman at the well.

Needs to consider, things that Tamara has helped folks address in the past: marriage, parenting, depression, anxiety, addictions, burnout, PTSD, transition, culture shock, fatigue/sleep issues, grief and loss, post adoption concerns, and self care.

She will be in Haiti - July 29th - August 16th. 
email: tamzoeroots@yahoo.com to discuss with her directly and confidentially if you think you'd like to try to see her while she is in Haiti.  

I encourage you to jump on this opportunity to take care of yourself.

with love,
tara

cue sad and tragic (horn) music

From last night:

Noah said, "I don't want you to die. But when you do I am gonna pay for your buryage. Some people will play some horns; very sad and tragic music ... And then, some people will throw some flowers. Then probably Isaac will say a speech and we'll pray and dig the hole."

~             ~             ~  

Isaac is 2 replies into his question answering, catch up with him here.
~            ~             ~

The kids are off to week two of summer-school. So far the report is that summer school is easier in every way except for the way that they are still required to do math. Additionally, Noah has mentioned enough times that he DOES NOT have a crush on Chelsea, that we are all crystal clear on the fact that- he does have a crush on Chelsea. They are going to the school building three days a week, staying home and working from home the other two days.
~           ~             ~

Tina and Whitney are here until Friday. We're hoping some of the 8 babies (supposedly) due in the month of June will let us see their faces.
~            ~             

Today while five children are 3 miles away I plan to enter dangerous corners of their closets and get rid of truck loads of their crap. I need to figure out if anyone has jeans long enough to cover their shin bones to wear to travel in late July. No Pokemon or pile of random trash treasure or haggard looking Barbie doll is safe for the next two hours. 
~            ~            ~ 

Troy is celebrating 38 years of hanging out on this earth tomorrow. He planned ahead and stopped shaving a month ago to arrive at his first ever facial hair success in time for the birthday. The commentary surrounding said facial hair has been entertaining and insulting. Sadly, we have recently learned that insults only spur Troy onto new and even more evil mustachio goals and plans.  

Second Summer of ASK ISAAC!!!!

Ask Isaac: Second Summer of ASK ISAAC!!!!: Hi everyone! I am here and ready to answer more questions. I will be glad to take any question...

Find the First Q and A of the summer here.

Children's Kreyol ABC Book & ASK ISAAC returns!

Watch this video for an important 9 second announcement!

Questions can be left at this post on "Ask Isaac" OR, for an even better chance of an answered question please email your question to Isaac at livesayfamily @gmail.com - Isaac will try to answer questions five days a week until at least mid July. The possibility exists that Isaac will succeed and his mother will fail, no guarantees being given.

AND...

Recent High School graduate, Paige, is excited to share her senior project with you all. Her parents are excited to promote a way that she can earn a little bit of college money.

The proceeds from this book will all be put to year one of college. In the interest of total transparency, the cost to Paige per book is $36. The reason the book has been priced at $50 is not because we love Shutterfly so much but because we hope Paige can make a little cold cash too.  (Shutterfly - you greedy beast!)

This children's ABC book in Kreyol features the beautiful scenery and people of Haiti.

By late-June we will have more information about how to order this book outside of Haiti. 

It is currently available at the ApParent Project store and at Haitian Creations, Tabarre store, located at Clercine 19, near the PAP airport. Write us for directions if you would like to stop in and shop on your way to or from the airport!




Directions from the major/nearby intersection to the Haitian Creations store:

When you come toward the airport you go to Carrefour (Intersection) Clercine. All drivers will know this intersection. At Carrefour Clercine you do not turn onto the road called KenzOktobe (the road that would take you to U.S. Embassy) --- you continue north on Clercine (going away from the airport) past the two story large DeliMart building and past the police station (blue/white building) on your right. Go about 1/2 mile and you will see a very large blue gate on the right that has the words "VILLAGE THEODAT" in yellow writing --- that is a land mark you want to watch for becuase after you pass the large blue gate into Village Theodat you will take the very next left. The road you are going left on is called "Clercine 19" and "Rue Sadrack" AND it has a "MiniFee Kindergarten" sign on it and it usually also has a "Haitian Creations" sign too. Go left on Clercine 19/Rue Sadrack - you will see Haitian Creations on your right (sign outside on cement wall) before the road forces you to turn left. It is a dark green gate. 

AEA (augmented emotional absurdity)

May and June 2013 are proving to be the months of augmented emotional absurdity. 

1.

As a person that processes events and emotions in writing before I let go of them and move on, I am failing miserably at processing so much at once. 

I don't know what happens when a person neglects to work through highly amplified feelings and emotions. I guess we will find out eventually. Poor Troy. The work of the man married to this giant whirling-ball of AEA is neither finished, or easy. 

Happy, sad, joyful, painful, celebratory, & bittersweet... 

1. Paige walking into graduation ceremony while the audience hummed the pomp and circumstance song in unison for her.  (unconventional? yes. uber fun? yes!)
2. Paige hugging her siblings after their poem that destroyed the mascara of tens and the composure of dozens more.
3. Brittany and I with Marie France after she asked me to please name her baby boy. Marie France's story is too intense and personal for telling here - just let it be said, this woman is my hero.  Her son is named Malachi. She loves him. Her love is a strong testament to me.
4. Isaac's First Momma and I visited last Friday. Dr. Jen checked out her thyroid for us, by request. Always, always, emotionally complex and amazing to be with this family.
5. Yesterday I met my twenty year old niece for the first time since she was a baby. My sister (her first mom) looks so proud, doesn't she? For the next week Tina and Whitney will be with me at work and at play and I will try desperately not to allow Whitney to catch me staring at her - especially at night while she is asleep. (This is an uncatagorizable thing; reuniting with someone you have prayed for and loved for two decades. UN.CAT.A.GOR.IZABLE. period.)

2.

3.

4.

5.

“Turn around and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it, to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the gladdest thing of all. Amen, and come Lord Jesus.”   

-Frederick Buechner

community, trust, healing, grace

She was newly pregnant and had just joined the prenatal program, "My eardrum hurts a lot," she said.

"How long has it hurt? Maybe it is infected?"

"Ever since my Mom died", she replied.

Later that day she shared the entire story of how she lost her mother after the earthquake, in 2010. Her mother had survived the earthquake; they'd spoken numerous times. When things settled down, a few weeks later, she went to visit her mother in an area near downtown and found her in her home, brutally murdered.

Throughout her time in the Prenatal program she shared bits and pieces of her story and we began to build a relationship with her. We were touched by her tenderness and inspired by her strength. She grew to be close friends with another woman in the prenatal program. They became and inseparable pregnant duo, frequently stopping in to visit us on non-program days too. 

When it came time for her to deliver, she was fully invested in what she had learned during her pregnancy. She knew that a first baby would not likely come quickly. She trusted her body and the process. She trusted our team to guide and advise and put her safety and health first.

Throughout her laboring she continued to trust her body. She shared that her mother had not been able to deliver babies "the normal way" but needed a c-section with each baby. She said she hoped she could stay to deliver with us. We all listened to one another and cautiously and patiently moved forward.

She slowly labored for a couple of days. The lack of progress indicated a problem. Our team wanted to see her little girl enter the world and to celebrate with her in the loving, feel good environment of the Heartline birth-room. It was not to be. Like her mother many years before her, her body would not cooperate and she needed a C-Section too.  We dropped her off at the emergency hospital, specializing in obstetrics. We sent her off with a gift bag and a prayer, asking her to call us with news and to let us know when she wanted to be picked up from the hospital.

Her grandmother and mother-in-law came to support 

When we arrived to pick her up she came out with a huge smile. "I had a little girl, just the way my mother did", she said.

We loaded into the ambulance.  "Congratulations! I am glad you are okay. Were the people nice to you", I asked. "Oh, you know, Miss Tara, it is Haiti. Not really."  I sighed.  

"I'm sorry you didn't get to stay at Heartline to deliver", I said.  

"But I am coming back there now, aren't I?" she exclaimed.

We happily headed back to the postpartum wing for a few days of rest, relaxation, and tender -loving - care.  This sweet and brave first-time mom lost her own mother to violence, but found a new connection to her in the birth of her first-born daughter. 

Two families, two groups of women that love and want the best for her, surrounded her.  The Heartline family, her maternal grandmother and her mother-in-law were all invested in standing with her to welcome her child into the world. She seems to recognize that she is loved. That is a gift we all need and deserve. Through our program community and trust are built. Because of that community and trust, the gifts of grace and healing are taking place. We are grateful. 

tara

a life overseas link

Monthly contribution at ' A Life Overseas ' is up today.  

"We’re sharing Haiti from one unique perspective that certainly cannot even begin to cover all of the angles. We’re not experts on this culture or country. We never will be. We are searchers. We are changing day by day because of our experiences here. We are learners that care about this tiny little piece of land in the Caribbean."

Read that post HERE. 

tales from a palooza & so much LOVE

The most ridiculous fights of our marriage seem to surround large celebrations in the month of May.

Not yet recognizing the May + party = fight pattern, we decided to float a trial balloon to our friends and family about a year ago. We sent 21 of our people an email saying, "Paige graduates in a year and we think you might like to think about coming here for it."  

Many months passed and we heard some were considering it.  More months passed and people began booking tickets. By early May of this year it appeared as if 19 people would be flying to Haiti to be present on the day of Paige's graduation. We were floored.  It is one thing to love and support a friend. It is an entirely different thing to pack your bags full of food and get on a $600+ flight at the ungodly hour of 4am to love and support a friend.  We're still shaking our heads at that amazing love. 

~          ~           ~ 

The very.worst.fight that ever took place in our (almost) 15 year union, happened on the day of my little sister's baby shower. The year was 2003, the month was May. We were hosting the couples baby shower at our home soon before my sister Tina, and her husband Matt, were to deliver their first son.

For whatever reason Troy and I had failed at communication and planning for the party and were already to the point of disliking each other when the morning of the baby shower arrived.  I woke up with the beginning of Strep Throat expecting Troy to save me from my prep and hosting duties and let me lie in bed. Troy woke up with plans to golf nine holes and go sell our silly little boat that we no longer used due to the lake being taken over by weeds. Why he needed to sell it on that day, the world will never know. The details and memories we each have of that day vary a bit, but we both recall that it ended in me leaving Minnesota after the shower with my sister to go to Wisconsin for a few days in order to prove to him exactly how ticked off I was.

Obviously we got past that little episode. As a matter of fact, we got past it so well that Noah is a direct result of some of the making-up that went on after that extended fight. 

~          ~           ~

The first guests for Paige's Palooza were set to arrive May 21st.  On the Sunday preceding the first day of guests arriving we went to the land (property owned by Heartline) to decorate for Paige's graduation.  Tension was building between us a bit as I tossed out ideas and things I hoped we could do for the ceremony and lunch.

For Troy, my ideas mean work and logistics and much coordination.  If you have spent any length of time in Haiti, you know that these things are quite challenging. Attempting to make plans in a place that won't be confined to our silly ideas is like pushing water uphill with a rake.

I began to notice Troy was annoyed with me and my ideas. In the mature way that highly refined people respond, I got mean.

Because I got mean, and in keeping with our May tradition, we kicked off Paigeapalooza with a fight. After returning from decorating, Troy began to make Mac and Cheese for the kids for dinner. I was writing lists and trying to get organized for what needed to happen before the guests arrived when I walked into the kitchen and criticized Troy's method of preparing Mac and Cheese. (Cheese packet dumped in before butter melted. What tha?)  Troy said "Are you really going to tell me that I making Mac and Cheese wrong?"

Rhetorical question?   Maybe it was.  I said something ridiculous and over the top and stormed out of the kitchen while Noah said, "Please, don't fight. I am stressed by this!"

Hours later we got to the bottom of our communication issues and determined that my way of making Mac and Cheese is better, but Troy's way will suffice.

Isn't that how it always is in relationships?  The underlying important issues (feeling unloved, feeling disrespected, lacking grace for one another, lacking mercy for one another) remain buried while we focus on the surface level and inconsequential things. (Such as, whether butter should be melted before or after you add the packet of cheese ... And I think we all know the answer to that.)

I had planned to write a lot about the ten days of Paigeapalooza but realize that a quick wrap up is a better way to go.  Our first guest arrived May 21 and our last guests exited the premesis on May 31.

The graduation day itself was so special. Thanks to so many Haiti friends that came. 

My Dad opened the ceremony with a few words, Jimmy Burton spoke, then Jimmy and Becky presented the diploma, Troy and Aaron Ivey led worship, the younger siblings tried to recite a poem (see video for the do-over), Beth McHoul spoke and prayed, Troy sang a song he wrote for Paige, and Paige gave a speech. It was a whole lot of love and sweat gathered under one little tin roof in Haiti.

The party that never ends - has indeed ended. 
There are now some tired, possibily over-stimulated, and very blessed people up in this hiz-ouse.

By the numbers and for posterity's sake ....

• 1- The number of fights Troy and Tara got into about the right way to make Mac and Cheese  (2 the minimum number of ways there are to make it)
• A lot - the unique decorating and fun ideas Chandler and Josh Busby added to the event
• 102 – The total number of people that came to Paige’s graduation ceremony
• 19 – The number of people that flew in from the USA to attend
• 2 - The number of  Heartline babies born during the 10 days of Paigeapalooza 
• 3 - The number of States the 19 people came from (CA MN TX)
• 4 - The number of Paige’s siblings that were sobbing after her speech
• 3 - The number of siblings that could not recite their poem for Paige as a result of said tears
• 2 - The number of people that attended graduation via Skype (Matt and Tina!)
• Infinity – The number of times we wished  the earth would swallows us whole because we could not help Noah, Hope, and Lydia get through their poem to Paige while they cried and struggled to get the words out
• 2 – The number of days that needed to pass in order to present the poem to Paige without tears
• 4 X larger - The size of my top lip after being bitten by something during the graduation party - zero photos after that incident - if you've never had a allergic reation like that on your face I think the day your kid graduates is the perfect day to try it out - not - Gah! 
• 4 – The number of 50 lb bags Texas friends took of Paige’s belongings to wait for her in Tejas
• 5 - The number of people that Bethany and Daniel Meadows hosted for us at their house - Texans stick together!
• 1 –  The number of airplanes that got cancelled due to another airplane having a fire and staying too close to the runway for planes to land - because: Haiti
• 3 –  The number of extra nights the grandparents stayed in Haiti due to said airplane debacle
• 27 – The number of people that went to the beach on Sunday after graduation
• 15 – The number of times we shouted Paigeapalooza in unison
• ALL - The number of meals that were prepared by guests that were amazingly delicious
• 13 - The number of people we shoved into our Hyundai Terrecan for an outing
• 1 - The number of large (and I mean LARGE) holes I dropped into with 13 people in the car
• 20 - The number of dollars it cost to be lifted out of the hole 
• 2 – The number minutes it feels like we slept each night 
• Very - The amount we are thankful that Isaac doesn't graduate for 7 years
• 5 – The actual average hours of sleep per night since May 21
• Too much to describe - The amount of love Paige felt, feels, and will take with her as she enters the next stage of life 

Harold and Lisa, John and Joanna, Marcia & Greg, Terri, Jen, Aaron &Jamie, Cayden, Sarah O, Kim, Sarah D, Julia, Britt & Chris, Mom and Dad  -  We will never forget the memories made this last week. Thank you for coming here. We love you, and we feel your love.

Gift from younger siblings to Paige:

Becky Burton took their words about Paige and organized them into this poem. (This is the do-over version, the graduation-day version was a lot of grieving and crying and not so much cheerful or cute kid poetry.)

there is some Good in this world, and it is worth fighting for

Tolkien's Lord of the Rings ... 

Do you remember the scene at the end of The Two Towers, where Frodo was almost slain by a Nazgul, but narrowly escaped due to Sam's rescue? Frodo was exhausted, and Sam reminded him of their small but important place in the over-arching story being played out around them.

Sam:

"It's me! It's your Sam! Don't you know your Sam?"

Frodo:

"I can't do this..."

Sam:

"I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But, we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. Sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was, when so much bad had happened?

But in the end it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand 'why?' ...

But I think, Mr Frodo, I do understand. I know now that folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't.  They kept going because they were holding on to something."

Frodo:

"What were they holding on to, Sam?"

Sam:

"That there is some Good in this world, and it is worth fighting for."

ISAACUMEN (vol. 4) - America edition

A few weeks ago I set foot on U.S. soil with my Haitian-American son, Isaac. You might recall we had a little bat drama and we were there for rabies vaccines on an entirely unplanned and last minute trip. 

Our trip was less than 72 hours long; it was entertaining to listen to Isaac process things he was seeing.  He has spent 8 of his 11.5 years of life in Haiti.  

He was last in the USA in December of 2010. Isaac straddles the USA and Haiti in such fascinating ways and the insight he offers into culture is quite astute.

He told the ER nurse when she asked what it was like living in Haiti "Well, it can be challenging at times.  Like yesterday for instance, when a bat bit my ear. That was pretty challenging".  She didn't quite know how to take him. 

The roads and the speed are of course mind blowing; we rarely exceed 30 miles per hour in Haiti. He last drove at 60mph in December 2010 so he has forgotten what that felt like. In the car he was silent, just taking it all in. "Florida really is a very nice place, huh Mom?" and "It seems like here compared to Haiti that maybe they are a little bit more safe and organized."  

(maybe. a little bit.) 

At Target he said many times, "Mom, Who is Nate Berkus?"  I kept shrugging. I don't know who Nate Berkus is. On the fourth ask, I said, "Buddy, I have no idea. Where did you hear his name?"  He grabs my hand and brings me to the sign with Nate Berkus smiling down on us.  "Oh, him. I guess he is a designer and his name is on household stuff like towels and things, if he designed it."  Isaac gave me a blank stare and said, "But isn't a towel just a towel?"  

Touché

Later he said, "So, Nate Berkus is like a model guy. That is kind of like Calvin Kane right?" I nodded and said, "Klein, and kind of". He said, "Huh. There sure are a lot of man models here in America." 

Inside of another store he said, "So. This store is just a store for clothes. Weird."  Later, as we browsed, I found a pink shirt I liked for him.  The sales lady was chatting him up and said, "You'll look so handsome in pink."  He smiled, "That's probably true", he said. After we purchased it she said, "Thanks for shopping." Isaac said, in all seriousness, "Thanks for having the store here for us to shop." 

He got lost at Target and asked a woman, "Have you seen my Mom?"  She said, "What does your mom look like?"  He said, "She is tall with red hair."  No mention of the most obvious needed descriptor. When I said, "I think you should mention that I'm white next time you describe me to a stranger", he said "Ooooohhhh, yeah, that is so true!" 

The friends that were hosting us had a tennis match on the television.  Isaac said, "So. There are places like that where they only just have the space to play that sport?"  Using huge wide  open space for two people to play tennis is just kind of mind-numbing for the guy. He can hardly believe that.   

Isaac saw an advertisement for some sort of strip club on top of a taxi cab. The woman was scantily clad and posing seductively. He looked at it. Stood quiet for a moment, then looked down at the ground and said, "Mom, look how that girl is posing. Isn't that so sad? I don't want to look at it."  (without television we have very little exposure to anything like that here) 

At the Miami airport as we waited early in the morning to head home, I came back from finding coffee, his face was filled with worry. "What is wrong buddy? Was I gone too long?" He said, "Mom, this TV is only about murder and scary and sad stuff. Can we ask them to change the channel?" 

In our 72 hour trip Isaac got just a little taste of American culture. I am so anxious to eavesdrop on all five of the younger kids' observations when we take the entire family to the states later this year. 

Isaacumen Volume 3, 2, 1 found here.

three Paigeapalooza photos

Today, all our kids ~ happy!!!

Top photo one week before EQ Jan 2010 ~ Bottom photo today

just the girls 

Post with the highlights coming after the last airplane carries our friends out of here.